(I have to admit I love Live Journal as it's so easy to add videos and pictures compared to a certain other site! Speaking of which it keeps taking me 5 or 6 attempts to post comments on there!!!)

Anyway, today was supposed to be one of the biggest days in my life! The day when I found out if my dream of becoming a woman will ever become a reality. I have contracted Multiple Sclerosis and now walk on two crutches, so my mind keeps thinking I won't qualify to be treated by the NHS as they may think I am too ill!

If I am OK to transition this would have been the day when I would know for sure that all those dreams and hopes were not just 'pie in the sky'! My appointment with the psychologist was set for 2 p.m. so to make sure I arrived in plenty of time and could find somewhere to park I gave myself 2 hours for the 40 minute drive to the hospital. So I set off and began my journey all the time giving myself positive self talk and mentally rehearsing what I would say. I was nervous but also excited that I was about to fully reveal my feelings to a psychiatrist for the first time!

Then!!!!..... my mobile phone rang.

It was the psychiatrist saying he couldn't make the appointment. At this point I was halfway through the journey. Thankfully we rescheduled it for tomorrow morning, so all that was really wasted is a little of my time. I also has the disappointment that things had been delayed and the feeling that all my positive thinking had been to no avail.

However, by the time I returned to where I live, I was back to being very positive again. What difference does one day make to a lifetime's dream? My positive self talk and mental rehearsals of today will stand me in great stead for the morning.

Sorry, I am doing it again, waffling!! The point behind this posting is that not too long ago if something like the delay had happened I would have retired to bed and hid myself away. Even further back when my marriage fell apart I may well have self-harmed. Nowadays, I simply see today's drawback as just 'one of those things.' It will get better, there is no problem.

I didn't realise it until I started to type this blog but I AM really getting better all the time!!!