Well, don’t you just have to laugh? Well, at the moment if I didn’t I’d cry! This morning I had an appointment at the local hospital with a physiatrist, which I thought was THE appointment. Where it would finally be decided if I was going to finally become a girl!

The hopes and dreams of all my past life and all my wishes for the future were reliant on the result of this morning’s session. If my dream died I had almost decided I should do the same, I have been a man for at least 20 years longer than I should have been and to continue this hateful existence would simply be beyond all endurance!!

After a very fitful night’s sleep, tossing and turning and imagining the female me being the one who was getting up, bathing, dressing applying her make-up and doing her hair -just so I left home quite early in the morning to avoid any transport problems. It’s 12 miles to the hospital down a road with few passing places. Arriving at the hospital I was able to relax over a cup of Americano and wait for THE time to see THE physiatrist!!

Only when I got to see the physiatrist I discovered he knew nothing at all about my ideas of transition!! This was purely to deal with long term psychiatric problems that began when my ex-wife, who I call Phoebe because she really was the “Physco Bitch from Hell”, destroyed our marriage, our family home and my life.

So having built myself up that this was THE day, I had to quickly get over it and use my time to finally give the whole true story of my breakdown. For the first time coming totally clear about my long-term transsexual feelings and how I had got married largely in an attempt to avoid them! It became all too obvious that when I first met Phoebe and tried to ‘be a man’ without wanting to be, that that was when my life started unravelling added to that the fact that the girl who had seduced me really was a “Physco Bitch from Hell” and my life was set to be, and did become, a very bumpy ride.

This was the first time I had ever been totally honest with a physiatrist about the whole of ME, having always kept Davinia hidden for fear of the unknown and having talked foe over an hour about the relationships between the parts of me and their history, whilst the day was far from what I hoped it gave me marvellous ground work for THE day whenever that may now be!!! (To be honest I really do feel like pulling my hair out, but then I really will have to wear a wig forever!!)