I don’t suppose it is something that any non-transsexual could ever understand, and I am not even sure that most of the girls on here would have done what I did, I am not even totally sure why I used to do it, unless like me they had tried to keep their transsexuality under wraps by getting married or finding a female partner, to fit in with their appointed place in society.

It is sad, but true, the only way I could ever seem to … er … rise to the occasion was by imagining I was the woman who was being made love to by someone else, i.e.ME!! Just in case you think it sounds like the ultimate case of self-love, I do know that some other girls have done the same, and like me it was the only way they could … er … get lead in their pencils! (Message to self – posts reading like a naughty seaside post card DO NOT show off your femininity in the best light)

Anyway, and I don’t know about other girls who allowed themselves to be ‘trapped’ in the male gender. But it was commented on by several people that when I came to being male I was strange. That sounds like a queue for a song
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People Are Strange - The Doors
(J. Morrisin & R. Kruger)

People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
streets are uneven when you're down
When you're strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you're strange
No one remembers your name
When you're strange
When you're strange
When you're strange_
People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down
When you're strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you're strange
No one remembers your name
When you're strange
When you're strange
When you're strange
When you're strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you're strange
No one remembers your name
When you're strange
When you're strange
When you're strange

Jim Morrison was depressed. He went to Robbie Krieger's house, they went to a canyon to watch a sunset, at which time Jim realized he was depressed because "if you're strange, people are strange." He then wrote the rest of the lyrics.
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To be honest even when performing the sex act as a man I felt disgusted with myself for apparently being so intimate with someone whilst my mind and, to me, body was somewhere else, even if I thought of my body as being the woman below me!

Having spoken to a few girls who are now complete women, I now know what an amazing experience I have to look forward to in my first time with a man as a woman. Whilst I have been undergoing the ‘Dark Decade of the Soul’ (As opposed to a ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ where you are down at the bottom of your pit for just one night) I have had no desire to have sex with or as either gender.

Now as I see Davinia coming to the fore in my life, I fully realise I no longer need the meat and two veg (as I heard them described) and the sooner I finally get rid of my outward signs of masculinity the better.

Any genetic males reading this will hardly understand what I mean as they place such ‘pride’ in their ‘equipment’. But it is something I don’t want, didn’t ask for and don’t need in its current form, all it really does now is allow me to urinate and remind me of a life I desperately want to forget.

Imagining you are making love to yourself as a girl when you are making love to a girl is quite simply unnatural, not to mention a little complicated, I seem to remember talking to the girl me instead of my wife onetime!!!!

Becoming the woman I have always known I am will make everyone’s lives so much easier, even if on occasion love making may turn into opening my legs and ‘thinking of England”!!!